On Weddings (or Life 4, or Two Strings Become OneString)


Disclaimer: I’m not against weddings…(disclaimer 2Bcont’d)

(Irish Seinfeld): Wha’tis the deal with weddings these daze? It’s like, let’s officially begin our lives t’gether b(u)y spendin’ a year(‘s salary) plannin’ a family reunity twoice ohver (as if gatherin’ one family’s baggage into a single room izzint e-nuff ‘ta gift, plus if we’re talkin’ about travelin’ then we have baggage on baggage on baggage) Continue reading

Words 2 (or Colors 1)


Effect (cause) to You,

blue might mean
everything you ever Knew,
to be of that color.
what do I know?
Tell me, world:
Is my blue your blue?
Then you do,
tell me, that is:
“My blue is my blue,
Your blue is your blue.
There is some overlap, and
Let’s leave loss of meaning out
And not make people bored with blue;
Bluebitty blue blue beautiful hue too”
“fuck you, world.
I love you.”
The word is blue, the world is blue
But words and worlds are representations,
 (Ordered permutations of letters with:
 a rule here,
 a rule there;
Arbitrarily assigned, defined
using other…Sounds…)
Blue is a word.
Blue is a world.
Here we might mention the association with mood and music:
I’m blue
Not that music.
I thought only cows mood.
Blue cows, mood bad;
There must not be enough…
What is blue?
What is you?
“Arbitrary de(-scription,
Who are you? (Hoo, hoo…)
Who is blue?
“Bad answers come from(?):
bad questions.”
Why are you blue?
Why are you you?
“Now we are making progress,
It’s a process.”
Why are you?
Why is blue?
Evo-(b)lu(e)-tion, baby.
it’s intuitive to the human brain,
invoking the action of eyes ‘seeing’ as their sense
(Lens focuses light towards retina,
 where photoreceptors are so excited to find their photon friends in their correct color cones, and instantly send the sensational news through neural networks as an electrical signal for processing and imaging)
(permutations of photon particles doing the wave, so-to-speak, and if blue then on the short end but visible, moving at the speed of, well, light, or we can say c)
“You like this word: permutations…”
Math is ART(hur Cayley):
Every group is isomorphic to a subgroup of its symmetric group.
Worlds and words and worlds of words.
Why do we see (c)?
“How much time do we have?”
What is time?
“Not again…”
Ah, why is time?
“Flow, change, progress…”
Oh, my.
 what might you c, optimistically?:
Looking up at the sky,
Why, it’s blue! Why is it blue?
(Why, always why with you…)
A scattering comes across the sky…
Note same scattering in a blue eye.
And if the sky is blue that day,
If pollution isn’t in the way,
There’s no blue like the ocean.
Blue on blue, blue in blue, blue of blue
Meeting at the horizon.
You’re makin’ my dreams come blue
Or if the day chooses to be gray,
not content with fractal boarders providing limfinite complexity,
overlap to darken the sky,
raining on our blue parade.
On those gray daze,
blue is a collar,
 fuck color:
blue is the name of the train line some sorry sucka takes to work every morning,
and, (worse?), the converse
(from work, to some sad apartment, nothing like a home…
Nothing like Home).
Or the color of the tie this guy he sees on a ley line down his boss’ beer belly.
Or girl.
The blues.
Same as it ever was.
At this not-home,
To partners in misery,
Or to misery’s offspring,
blue might be a bruise:
Alcohol’s common collateral damage.
At its worst, blue is the glint of cold steel flashed before entry into a belly:
 Or blue smoke from a barrel
Real and rising,
Up, up, into that bluest sky…
(Don’t look down:
there, in the outpouring blood:
a tinge of what?)
Cause (effect) to You

On Mutually Beneficial Behavior (Or Dedications)

Excuse me, I gottalilaheadamahself trying to map my mind to these words. Now I wannaxpressmahgreatestuhvgratitude

Thank you, thank you, you’re far too kind.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: People need people. The reason there are several billion human beings is not: sex is fun, for some…(Right?…yet again we love acceptaking evolution’s gifts: constructs fine-tuned over billions of years of successive i(n)tera(c)tions subject to randomness and chaos and loving every instant…bring it on, entropy, you ain’t got shit on me…let’s be friends; then instead of enjoying the gift(s) happily ever after, we tie it up, we pretend it’s not there, we use it for our own self-godification and throw it out when we’re so very tired, we stick a fake dick in a box and give it as a present at a bridal shower to keep handy when-not-if there spontaneously appears: a hole in the marriage, to plug)…nor is it: we are the first species to know and to remember the pleasures of the universe. Plenty of animals dream.

We are all so very different and yet the same (you are my lethe, my dark tranquility). All happysad families are sadhappily selfsimilar in their differgences


On Postermodernism (Or Chaos Part One)

It is a misconception to think of postmodernism as a cohesive movement or umbrella under which some arrayed vector field points generally towards a common direction, a vision or goal or set of principles: literary, moral, thematic or what-have-you like the many preceding literary movements that whether because of the separation of time and other movements in between seem to have definable, finite, focused convergence toward a common worldview amongst its artists (ie romanticism, Victorianism, modernism). Or perhaps it’s more like we take a common set of basis representative works for a particular era and assume this finite set spans the entire space of the movement such that the pertinent knowledge is effectively filtered into said major representative works. This is indeed how knowledge works sometimes.

Of course, it’s often reductive to apply broad labels spanning connected places and times simply because our brains are hard-wired for this kind of linear-temporal ordered narrative of history. In any case, as certain technologies advanced writing and as literacy spread over time and as different groups of people gained the freedom, through loosening oppression, to explore their history/culture and hone their voice and craft (that there are far fewer famous women novelists in literature is not in any way a function of a gap in ability, and is wholly due to the fact that women had no way of disseminating their viewpoints in their appointed role as housewives and mothers throughout much of history, a role forced upon them so that men could go off on power trips both constructing and destructing civilizations with equal fervor and aplomb because of superior physical strength lingering from biological evolution but rendered null with the awakening of the conscious being and consequent branching of the evolution of the mind that separates humankind from all predecessors), literature as a whole branched more and more to accommodate the vastly disparate perspectives that define humanity’s existence.

I cannot overstate the significance of this progression towards shared perspective and experience, of the spread of knowledge in all its infinite forms, where individual, independent views and stories exist as separate entities through which a discerning mind can begin to synthesize knowledge and find universal themes and meaning while remaining cognizant that every mind is unique.

This brings me (by commodius vicus of recirculation…) back to postmodernism. Postmodernism should first be taken literally: the era of literature beginning with the Cold War that immediately followed modernism. Easy enough, and relative closeness of time of publication is really the only true invariant trait of postmodernism. At first, it was a reactionary movement, but the nature of the reaction created divergence rather than convergence. Postmodernism is primarily a leap of faith into exploration and experimentation and idiosyncrasy that represented the broader shifts in thought brought upon humans with the exponential growth of technology, science, and society, but also of course by the infinite void of wars and world-destroying weapons.

Regarding literature, the events of the first half of the 20th century catalyzed a denouncement of more classic structure, form, and language, but what emerged is much more aligned with how the universe actually works: ordered chaos. I have a fairly specific meaning when I invoke chaos: in a broad sense the philosophical implications of the discovery (and subsequent ubiquitous supporting evidence) that, even if we ignore random processes which certainly exist, many deterministic systems actually functioning in reality, besides often being dependent on unaccountably innumerable variables (but at least we can model these and even probabilistically so), abide by chaotic dynamics. The bane of the weathervane is just this: even if we can take a slice of time and call it time zero and measure every significant variable affecting climate with an aim toward prediction, chaos by it’s very definition stops us dead in our tracks eclipsing any hope of predictive value beyond local time scales (days, sometimes hours). This is one of the beautiful and damning secrets of the universe, the ultimate pro/con: chaotic systems are deterministic such that we can uncover their underlying structure and properties globally and even assign values to variables at time zero, but to attain the complexity necessary for a universe to evolve, these systems have to be otherwise unconstrained and specifically, among other things, they have the property that arbitrarily small perturbations (limit at infinity nonzero) in the initial values of aforementioned variables change the evolution of the system unpredictably and over the long run this often means vastly diverging results.

In other words, nature can define a system that will dynamically evolve over time, and it can set the initial values itself, but it won’t necessarily know the results with these values, hence the whole idea of experimentation. For us, because of inherent measurement error, even when minimized to seemingly negligible scales (but never zero), every single initial value will be off by some non-zero factor and any single error in a single variable renders prediction futile. We want to know properties that are invariant over all possible results. We will continue to explore self-similarity/scale invariance as core concepts leading to a comprehensive universal worldview throughout this blog. Human beings matter, each one no more or less than any others. Life matters. Everything matters.


On Life (Part One)

To attain any sort of pure contentment in life, the mind must first subjugate itself to the following concept (leave ye god(s) outta this…let’s find some meaning and purpose from within perhaps): accept these things: this universe exists (for now it will be interchangeable with the idea of the world), you exist within the world, you and the universe are continuously dynamic over time, you are not alone.

Collectively, we arrive at a general definition of Existence (of something, anything, in particular: not nothing). This is our starting point. Now (and I mean right Now) you are also the sum total of an arbitrarily large, ever-expanding collection of your own memories, experiences, thoughts, decisions et al appended to the lives and collective knowledge/history/memory of all humankind past and present. There’s more: take this knowledge, analyze, then synthesize (or integrate, commutate, associate, whatever the brain does) in order to learn and…you’re conscious! you are so much more than a sum that’s the true beauty of the universe what matters is that you exist now that you existed just before this and you will continue to exist right after this and no future person can refute your statement: I was here.

Empathy is more than just walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, no, and it’s not telekinesis (while I can imagine quantum fluctuations within one’s own brain, it’s impossible for a brain to physically act on another brain) but rather an ability (and here we come back to…) accept that every other human being has a particular perspective in this clusterfuck of a world we live in, and in order to understand existence we must learn to change our perspective if even for a fleeting finite flash can you even imagine what it’s like to suffer as so many humans suffer at this exact moment in time simply a matter of spacial distance separating us from the darkest recesses of human decay (I need only mention History) and what must it be like to live in such depravity fuck these asymmetries but they have to exist for complex design which requires a degree of indifference (or future-blindness) towards what actually will happen emphasizing possibility over reality.

It’s Time: an extra dimension, a fourth degree of freedom with a twist, motion, momentum, dynamism, change, evolution, learning, progress, double covered (Death, following symmetrically). We don’t have to feel guilty or shameful about this locally (ie the notion that billions have come and gone such that we can live now) though guilt makes us aware, no that’s not the end point; what we need to do is accept that this darkness exists accept the worst things that happen with the best things that happen because that’s life the best you can do is empathize. One must develop a rooted (ie overarching) feeling of respect /love/gratitude towards those gone (this links our ancestors to deep memory), then this sense of collective past naturally evolves into a responsibility to live life in the world alongside others with a progressive, cooperative philosophy and a vision of future possibilities. Allow yourself to feel pain and suffering because humans have the capacity to carry incomprehensible loads of baggage, and if you’re fortunate to have lived or feel en medias res a decent life or a great life or a transcendent life don’t forget that you are a single person amongst many striving for (and equally deserving of) the same things: happiness and love and family, the feeling you get when you see a baby smiling up at you and you finally understand the deepest depths and the awe-inspiring alps of the phrase “life goes on.” And these tip the scales in our favor despite the dread of depression, destruction, doom, disaster, our friend Death, that underlie many of our weakest moments: the things that genuinely keep you up at night: not the superficial I forgot to call so and so back or what am I gonna wear to work tomorrow; come on, the sum total of thought vectors directed at you regarding your outfit plus the memories people have of you in said outfit weighed against the memories they retain of your outfits’ past (or past outfits), doesn’t come close to justifying wasting so much time in the combinatorial wasteland known as your closet.

That’s just an easy example: not a criticism so much as a call for balance, awareness, contentedness. Of course the darkness doesn’t linger on your outfit, it wants to remind you of the totality of all those little misdeeds committed, white lies turned black, promises broken, relationships ruined, the time your drunk family member or friend went too far or the time you maybe didn’t bully that kid in any outwardly abusive manner but you refused to even acknowledge his or her existence because you’re a kid and you don’t understand empathy yet. The darkness is omnipresent, but humans have free will
we haven’t learned to appreciate it. Yes you can choose what to wear, and yes you can express yourself with style, but people come first, always.


The Beginning

Let there be unity. In the beginning, there are simply open and closed strings. I am only 28, and I shouldn’t know this or I should because all brains know this
or rather all brains are this and by this I mean nearly a hundred
billiony years of fine-tuning these strings some of them closed
fortunately propagating through existence and its dimensions
describing Riemann curves might aka a non-zero probability result in a
beautiful representation of existence in higher dimensions. Humans
were right and they were wrong (mostly or they used right wrongly)
when they thought they had all the answers it takes a lot to freely
dissociate from a representation that one is a part of locally in
order to abstractly learn about the representation globally because to
accomplish this goal in the closed Riemann surfaces of our lifetimes
requires us to live in the present moment which is only one instance
one state one point on the greater curve and to do this means we need
Time to parametratize our three-dimensional representations to allow
dynamic flow. The image you see is a high def rendering of the lattice structure of the root vertices of (too many of’s) a Lie algebra of dimension 248. If the implications of this representation move you like they move me (we’re all in motion), well that’s amazing you should be sharing knowledge and spreading joy as well. Arbitrarily large complexity: it is not by any means necessary to ‘get’ this; rather the point is to have an open mind, to desire knowledge, to maintain a dynamic equilibrium. I want people to understand or at least I won’t hide it from them and their representations of our universe called organized religion, which I will give credit have actually somehow managed to begin to converge on the answer. Then they kill themselves instead of hugging. Ignorance kills progress it walks up to the front door with a world-annihilating weapon, and it doesn’t hesitate (to use right wrongly). Or worse: it comes in like it belongs, an expectation, and proceeds to finely describe itself, but applying the laws of logic to an illogical foundation creates nothing as history can attest. Death blinds Life and creates a false duality as humans need a representation of the universe in their own minds in order to do anything useful but it’s so much easier when the representation is a
yes or no a good or evil a like or dislike a love or hate a simple choice between two human constructions defined by human constructions ad nauseam.

Sorry I just took a break to marvel at a cat another representation of infinite complexity and beauty in structure and form of the universe yet one that is easy to deal with on a day-to-day basis kinda thing. Don’t be afraid the answers you’ve been looking for are worth everything, and they exist as you exist. Your existence is proof of everything. You are a representation of the universe, which
is a representation of existence. Open and closed strings. You are the three-dimensional or complex two-dimensional, local manifestations of existence embedded in a four-dimensional super Yang-Mills theory with sigma-duality or a complex Calabi-Yao manifold with mirror symmetry the space needed for this insanity called life I guess, itself represented analogously as oh I don’t know maybe proteins and their maps you might’ve heard of this DNA wowowohboyohwow a representation of the flow of the universe a compactified infinitely generating memory of our complex two-dimensional propagation of
strings vibrating over the superduper Calabi-Yao manifoldian thing space-time there are no forces there are representations of strings in one and two and three and closed by this superthingy complexipactification you know him or her as Father Time or Mother Nature or Einstein’s Theory of the Major-General Relativity but now we have new representations it’s ok they’re all iterative the power of
thought of the greatest human minds somehow keep their structure as civilization comes crashing down around them (and words have their limitations though we certainly haven’t reached them) and those thought-constructs once thought never to be forgotten by that beautiful spinor DNA (and words and processors, tools 2.0 or 3.0 idk stop thinking about numbers themselves they are not-things we just
need open and closed strings). The theory exists a priori existence actualified, thussuly treat everything you encounter as a piece of the grandally united compactified in all its glory oneness not twoness not nothingness just open and closed strings of existence. Don’t worry it’s all in your head. Also: the secret to happiness is love the defense of death is love the meaning of hope is love the progression of humanity is love the purpose of existence is love. And closed
strings…this cat likes rubber bands: that is love